just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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