I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
