she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
