Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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