I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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