Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
