frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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