you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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