I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
