apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
