I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
