no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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