i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
