Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
sarcasm needs its own font
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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