You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
