Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
