You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
The best revenge is premature balding
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
