I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
