Porn is love you can see.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
