i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
