I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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