I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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