If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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