I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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