If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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