Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
