marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
