My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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