mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
