Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
