Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
