The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
