dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
