Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
