I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
