She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
