I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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