its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Randomize
