you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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