well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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