uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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