Three words: puerto rican gang bang
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
