Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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