To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
