i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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