I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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