I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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