her vagine was all disorganized.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
