our cab driver is having phone sex.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
