with your own penis?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
