just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
