I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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