I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize