$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
