So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
