We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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