I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
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