She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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