Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
