I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
