Jerry, you need to find god
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
