my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
