She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize