She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
