she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
