Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
