Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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