ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
