My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
